My Very Crazy Family
by Mandie Weasley
Summary: When ever you put the Marauders, Fireworks, old yearbooks, and a baby genious toghether, there will always be a very crazy family. Please READ&REVIEW! I'm rewriting chpaters!
1. New Years 1987

My

(Very Crazy)

Family

Short Stories by:

Artemis Black And Mandy Weasley

Thank you to all 7 of our reviewers:

George! Aka Sarah!

AlmightyIshboo

Minivera Evenstar

And

Artemis Black

One

New Years 1987

James Potter, his wife Lily and their friends Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were enjoying a very exciting new year and it was only 11:00 at night! James and Sirius had found a box of firework and with great effort climbed up onto the icy roof. It had snowed the day before too! "James, I'm not sure that's a great idea!" Lily shouted up, wincing as her husband slid and smacked his head on the chimney. "I'm all right. I meant to do that! HEY! I didn't fall! WOOT!"

"Ready?" James asked Sirius, who was holding the box of bottle rockets. "Yeah, hold on…One, two, three…GO!" Sirius held out a set of bottle rockets, home made and very fun to play with because it involves fire. They set off about eight at once (magic comes in handy there). James stepped back and hit ice "Whoa! Yikes! Uh-oh! Eaahh!" he slid off the back of the roof. **Thump.**

"Ouch! I'm alright! I'm alright! I meant to do that too!" Sirius turned around "James? James? Where are you mate? Ahhh!" he followed James off the side of the roof as the wives and Remus ran around to the back. Remus was to chicken to climb up on a steep and extremely icy roof on the last night in December.

"We told you not to climb up there!" Lily said as she healed James's injuries. "But it was worth it! I got to see fireworks and a pretty girl is helping me!". Lily glared, but then smiled.

"It's almost midnight! We could all apparate to New York to see the ball drop rather than watch it on the television!" Sirius said, sitting up.

"And appear in a crowd of people." Elektra said

"They're probably too drunk to notice." Remus said, "We could pull it off."

"You're as bad as them!" The women said exasperatedly. But they helped up their husbands and apparated to Times Square in New York City.

"Holy Moley! Where did you come from?" A man said turning around.

"Us? We've been here the entire time!" Sirius smirked.

"No you aint! You….mebbe you were there…." He looked at his can of beer. "I should quit drinking…."

"Look!" Lily pointed. The big glass ball was falling. The crowd was excited.

TEN-NINE-EIGHT-SEVEN-

"Thirty-eight, nine four eleven"

"Shut up!" Lily elbowed her husband in the ribs.

FOUR-THREE-TWO-OOONNEE

HaPpY NeW YeAr!!!!!!!!!


	2. July 31 1989

July 31, 1989

Lily Potter was pregnant. That meant she was sick in the morning and wanted to eat strawberry ice cream with dill pickles.

"James! We're out of ice-cream!" She said glaring at the freezer like it was the freezer's fault she ate all the ice cream. "I'll go buy some more." James sighed. "And buy some pickles!" she called after him. "But you hate pickles!…okay, I'll buy pickles."

Lily was having her first child, Mary Lynn Potter, and James was going crazy pacing in the hallway. Sirius was doing all he could to make him relax. "James, look, Artemis is perfect, stop worrying!" Baby Artemis Black was pushing buttons on a keyboard piano she'd gotten for her birthday a few weeks earlier, or was it months…Oh well.

" 'ton, 'ton, 'ton, pwetty 'ton, 'ton he, he, he," ('ton means button) James looked at Sirius in that "Yeah right stupid" way. "Okay, so she has an obsession with buttons, so what?" Suddenly the six-month-old baby girl started playing Mozart. Sirius and James stare, amazed.

"I love this song!" Sirius said as he turned to James, who was again pacing. "But what if…" "See, you can't even think of anything! Relax!" "But he's a few weeks early! There could be something wrong!" A short, plump nurse came running out followed by a baby's cry. "See, whadid I tell ya? Everything's fine!"

A minute later the doctor came out, talked with the nurse and then turned to James. "I'm sorry Mr. Potter, but there was a problem" The entire hall froze. "It's a boy!" And with that, James fainted. The shock on Sirius face at the sound of supposedly bad news changed immediately. "Just like I told you!" he said, nudging James with his foot.

Sirius and the doctor awoke the unconscious man and told him to go see his new son. "er…hey Lils, how're you feelin'? James asked, sitting on the foot of the bed. "Peachy…what are we going to name him?…We can't name a boy Mary." She smiled. "How about Alphard, after Sirius's uncle?" "No." "Charlie, for my dad?" "…hmm…no…I like Scott or Logan…How about Logan." "We are _not_ naming my son after your favorite comic book character!" James insisted. They were both quiet as they thought of names the other might like. "Harry?" They both said simultaneously.

After the birth certificate was signed, the Potter family returned home.

"We're going to have to repaint Harry's room. He can't sleep in a pink room. And buy new clothes. He isn't wearing a dress." "Tomorrow James." Lily said, climbing into bed. "It's late, and we're out of paint anyways."


	3. Christmas Eve

Disclaimer: I didn't say this before, but I don't own Harry Potter,or X-men. I wish I did!

Chapter Three

Christmas Eve 1991

Christmas Eve James and Lily Potter sat in the living room wrapping presents for tomorrow. Rolls of brightly colored paper littered the floor. All their friends were coming for dinner later. Lily refused to invite her sister, so it was only friends.

"James! You can't give a baby an invisibility cloak!" she stopped him from wrapping the gift. "I'm not giving him AN invisibility cloak, I'm giving him MY invisibility cloak!" "No your not!" "Yes I am!" "No your not!" "Yes I am!" "No your not!" "Yes I am!" "No your not!" "Yes I am!" "Yes you am!" "No I'm No-Am! Ha ha couldn't trick me!" "Give it to Dumbledore and he'll give it to Harry when he's old enough" James stuck his tongue out at his wife. "Mail it to Dumbledore" "Why can't I give it to him?" "Because you'll give it to him tomorrow." James tried arguing, but relented and mailed the cloak to Dumbledore. The boxes were all packed. Toys, clothes and jewelry were all wrapped up safe. As soon as the last present was under the little Christmas tree the doorbell rang.

"Happy Christmas everybody!" Sirius called as he handed James a bottle of eggnog. "When's dinner? I'm starved!" Elektra elbowed him in the ribs. "Behave yourself!" She laughed, following the Potters to the kitchen.

Lily and Elektra began emptying the stove, oven and reffridurator onto the table. "We have a Christmas ham, mashed potatoes, milk, wine, Green beans, rolls, salad, Pumpkin, Cherrie and Apple pie." Lily said, beaming. The bell rang again and the rest of the Order filed in.

"That ham smell great!" Mad-Eye Moody said, following his nose to the kitchen. "Excellent timing Alastor! You can help carry dishes to the dining room!" Elekra said, putting other guests to work as well.

After dinner, the men were forced to wash dished-luckily they used magic and got out of really washing them.

"That was delicious Lily, thanks for having us!" Remus Lupin said. "Yes! Delicious" Other voices chimed in. Soon James and Lily were left with Sirius and Moody. Elektra had gone home to bed and the other guests most likely had their own families to visit. "

"I've got some bad news." Moody said to James. "Someone made a prophesy about Voldemort." "What does it say?" Lily asked, if Moody was telling them about it, she knew it would affect them and soon. "The one to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies, born to parents who have thrice defied him and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal. It goes on from there, but let's worry about the first half first. As far as I know, there were only two magical children born at the end of July whos parents have _ever_ defied Voldemort. Neville Longbottom, and Harry." He stopped. "What does the rest of the prophesy say?" Sirius asked quietly. "Well, something like he-he meaning one of the boys- will have a power the Dark Lord knows not, and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, foe neither can live while the other survives." "So you're saying that either my son or Frank's son is going to kill Voldemort or die trying?" James said slowly, staring at the Christmas tree. "Thanks Mad-Eye." James let out a yawn. "I think I'm going to be now." "If you don't go to bed before midnight, Santa Clause won't come" Sirius said, attempting to lighted the mood.

After Lily locked the door she looked at her husband. "So much for Christmas" he muttered. "Oh, it can't be that bad! Voldemort probably doesn't even know about it.". James wandered up the stairs. "Here's hopin' " .


	4. Spring Cleaning

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!!!

Chapter Four

Merry Memories

Spring-cleaning. That dreaded time of the year was here.Time to clean out the closet. "Do I have to?" James Potter whined,"I hate cleaning!" "It's either cleaning or…changing Harry's diapers!"

"Fine I'll clean out the closet-and ONLY the closet!" "Great! Deal."

Still pouting he began to drag junk out of the back of the closet. The last box was labeled: Hogwarts 1975-76 "Hey Lils! Look at this!" "What is it? A sandwich?" "No,our yearbook!". "Wow" She said walking in "I forgot we had that!". "Its not mine! It's from your third year." He opened it to a random page.

"D…E…F…Tsk, tsk…Ah ha! P! Potter…Potter, Yes! James Potter…With little hearts around it? I thought you hated me until 7th year!" "I…did, it must be someone else's." "Sure, and it just happens to have your name on the front in gold letters." He flipped to the back, where sports and clubs pictures were. "Ooh that hurt, I hate bludgers, stupid thins broke my nose at least 50,000 times only that year! And Sirius's nose never got hit. He was the beater! He's supposed to get hit. Donna Henson, She married David Bell, was a great chaser, good looking too…" That earned him a slap from his wife. "Another picture of Sirius. Pete…chess club, pathetic people." "James! Behave!"

The doorbell rang as he was giving a smart remark. "Sirius and Elektra! Come on in" " Hey Lils! I found something else in here you don't want me to see!" Sirius sniggered. "Cleaning?" Lily rolled her eyes "More like doing any thing else possible. He found my old yearbook." "C'mon Lils you gotta see this!" "Fine! Come on up, he'll fid something stupid for all of us."

Sirius and James were going crazy reading the yearbook. James found Snape, and there were skulls with crossbones around the picture. "Whew, and I was worried you liked him" Sirius said sarcastically. I hexed him a few times so James could talk to you."

"Sirius!" both women smacked him hard on the back of his head. "Be good!" "If you hated him that much mate, why'd you marry his sister?" "…They're two different people."

"Hey James," Sirius said going through quittich pictures " what happened to the picture where that Slytherin beater threw the bat a the back of your head?" "They probably took it out because it was rated 'R' for blood and guts." "There wasn't any guts!" "No, but he cracked my skull and there was blood everywhere, my mum made him buy me new robes cause we couldn't get them clean." "Eeewww!" "That's disgusting!" "Your disgusting." "James, be good, I'm not gonna tell you again."

Closing the yearbook, he put it back into its box and threw it back into the closet. "You're supposed t be cleaning out the closet! Not making it a mess!" James smirked and picked up an empty garbage bag and began unceremoniously throwing thinks in.


	5. Whats gonna Happen?

Chapter five What's gonna happen? 

It was Halloween and scary little kids were running around in creepy costumes. Harry Potter and his family are enjoying their quiet time in the house that no one can see because there's a secret-keeper of its location.

"JAMES!YOU LEFT THE DOOR OPEN AGAIN! DO WANT VOLDEMORT TO JUST WANDER IN AND KILL HARRY?"

Elektra had followed James into the house, under her invisibility cloak. "OUCH!"

"What was that! James now what did you-Elektra! Great to see you, or see your foot I should say." Baby Artemis runs out from under the cloak."Liy liy liy! (This is pronounced Li-EE) Harry ran in closely followed by James and Sirius-who was being Padfoot at the time. "Awy Awy Awy! (This is pronounced Aiw-EE)

"Lily you son is a…GREAT PRANKSTER ALREADY!" Sirius said returning to his true form. "Oh great! What did he do now?" "Oh…uhm…nothing, nothing you need to worry about."

Voldemort (A.K.A. Valdemont) walked in through the open back door. "Hey, can I borrow a cup of sugar?" Lily stared. "JAMES YOU MORON!" "I thought I finished you off already." Elektra sighs and pulls out her sword. (She WAS dressed as a pirate you know!)

ANY PREGNANT WOMAN AND CHILDREN PLEASE LEAVE THE ARENA AT ONCE! THANK YOU!

"What is going on.?" Sirius asked, confused. "Oh nothing you need to worry about right now dear." She stood there ready to attack.

Voldemort charged ruining anything that he came in contact with. The refrigerator was destroyed, spilling all the butterbeer inside. "So that's where that went." Sirius said surprised. "NOOOO! NOT THE BUTTERBEER!" James cried. "Wait! You're gonna kill Harry!" "Uh…does the word DUH mean ANYTHING to you, Potter?"

"James! I figgerd something out! Pete was the spy! Not Moony!" Sirius said gleefully.

"AH! You are idiots I have to fulfill the prophecy the old fraud made!…Where is everybody?" Sirius went chasing after Pete and Elektra is helping him. Lily is getting Harry, and James…and Artemis…where are they? Ah! Artemis is with Harry and James is trying to find his collection of large and heavy mallets. "HA! Here!" James attempts to beat Voldemort but Voldemort grabs another mallet and they have a Mallet fight, which is kinda like a sword fight, only with mallets! In the end, James and lily are both killed by Voldemort-I mean were knocked unconscious and are lying on the floor.

"HAHAHAHAHAHcoughcough…I win!" Voldemort castes a killing curse at Harry, but it misses and hits the mirror, rebounds and hits him. The broken mirror falls and a shard from it hit Harry in the forehead, leaving a scar.

Muggles kidnap Harry and send him to the worst people they could find, the Ibbs, but the Ibbs could find someone even worse, the Durs-oh-not yet, the Dubois, but they sold him to the Dursleys for $10, that's as high as Mrs. Petunia Dursley would go, she would have bought the slave- I mean little guy for $ 3.50 if it was some average kid, but she figgerd since it was her nephew, she could pay a little more.


	6. Harry's Amazing Magical Abilities

Chapter Six

Harry's Amazing Magical Abilities

Harry Potter was an unusual boy in many ways. He hated his family and loathed his house and spent 16 of the 24 hours in a day, outside. And he loved school. He also happened to live in the oldest most disgusting house possible with an aunt and uncle who would love to see him missing.

Harry Potter went to a school for freaky people with weird powers, trained by Professor X. Oops, sorry Harry's not one of the X-men. He does like Storm though.

"Stupid! Your not supposed to talk to snakes it SCARES people!" Ron Weasley shouted. "I don't care! Why doncha yell at Hermione some!"

Hermione ran in clutching the newest library book. "It came! It finally came! How to kill a…DUNDUNDUN…Dementor! It's written by Sue Leslifesueke.

"Gimme that! I wanna send one to the Dursleys, then kill it when it arrives so's I can make them like me . But then they'll yell at me and lock me in the cupboard, but I'll break out with my amazing magical abilities and scare them with…AK THE EVIL GOAT OF DOOM!-I MEAN THE GHOSTS OF MY PARENTS!1

"What ARE you TALKING about! Who said I was dead?" James said. "Yeah, maybe I wont rescue you from my evil sister! I decided I didn't want to be dead any more. Lets go to Hogsmede!"

"While everyone's gone, I'll slash the portrait of the fat lady and yell at her a bit." Sirius Black planned out. "Then I'll do it again later and scare one of the Weasley kids…and run…and take the rat. Then I can be FREE!"


	7. Pizza Party

Chapter Seven

Pizza Party!

A/N: My dad worked as a cook at Bob Evans before he was married. He is a very good cook…my uncle on the other hand is a bit like Peter.

Voldemort was very unhappy, again, for the third time in three years, Harry Potter has beaten him, and to make it worse, his dinner was cold. "Wormtail WHERE did you learn to cook, Mars?" "No, uh…really, from James, who was a good cook.

"Peter, THE FOOD IS BURNED **BLACK** ON THE OUTSIDE AND STILL FROZEN IN THE MIDDLE! JAMES WORKED AS A COOK A BOB EVANS!" Knock knock,

"Who is it!" "The pizza man." "OOOOH pizza! I LOVE pizza!" Voldemort was excited. He hadn't had a real pizza in years. He opened the door to find…DUN DUN DUN…James standing there holding a steaming pizza. "GA! It's hot! AK! Take it quick!

"Mine! My preciousssssssss! Gollum Gollum…" Voldie said as he reached the pizza. "Really now, how many times have you seen that movie Dude?" "Which one?" "Ga! All of them!" Peter grinned as he watched the Dark Lord. "Uh. 1,2,3,4,5…at least 12 times, if you add all the movies together " "Wormtail, your pathetic, Mandy Weasley has seen it at least 17 times if you add them all together."

"Do you want the pizza or not? My arm is being roasted here." James said practically dancing "I'll take it! Lookout you! HEY! Aren't you supposed to be dead?" Voldemort realized. "Um…maybe…" "NO! Retched Harry Potter and his retched posse have thwarted me again!" "Hey! Be nice!" James shouted the whispered in his ear "You don't want Lily after you!"

"Nice, James, nice."


	8. Red vs Blue

Chapter Eight

Red Vs. Blue-Harry Potter Style

There is a funny Internet series at if you don't mind LOTS of language…don't worry this is still rated G...or was is PG? ANYWHOO…

Red Team-

Sarge-Voldemort

Grif-Wormtail

Simmons-Lucius Malfoy

Donut-Bellatrix Lestrange

Lopez - Lopez is a robot

Blue Team-

Church-Moony

Tucker-Sirius

Caboose-James

Tex-Lily

Sheila - Sheila is a GIRL tank-Elektra

Back to the story- OH! and Dobby is the Medic, Doc.

"Remus! I don't wanna go through the teleporter!" "And why not? We tested it" "We threw ROCKS through it!" They came out at the other side!" "THEY WERE ALL HOT AND COVERED IN BLACK STUFF!" "So you scared of Black stuff?" "Yes, I'm scared of black stuff!" "Sirius, I almost hate to do this to you, so just GO THROUGH THE TELEPORTER!" "I just want to say that rocks aren't people!" "It will be noted. Now move."

"But Dark Lord It looks like a big cat, like maybe a puma!" "Quiet Wormtail. It is a WARTHOG! And quit makin' up animals!" "Uh Dark Lord…sir…could you explain WHY we are naming a jeep?" "Of course my favorite Death Eater of all. You see Lucius, these here look like tusks. Now, what animal has tusks" "OHHH! I know I know pick me pock me! "Fine. Wormtail, what has tusks?" "A walrus!" "Dingbat! Dint I tell you to stop makin up imaginary animals! "Now, we all agree that it is the Warthog, right Wormtail?" "Yes sir!" "Well then, how's about the Unicorn or the Phoenix," Voldemort started "I really don't think he needs encouragement sir." The favorite Death Eater tried to stop his master "Hey Lucius, whats that Mexican thing that eats all the goats?" "The…El Chipacaba sir?" "Yeah, the El chipathingy."

"O crap. That's definitely NOT good that jeep has a really big gun." "Uh, James? Why are you looking at the remote control car that YOU taped a squirt gun on through binoculars?" "Shuddup Lily."


	9. Mandy Weasley

Chapter Nine

Mandy Weasley

"Wheeeeeeee! Wait GAAAAAAAAAA!NO! Make it stop! AHHHHHHHHHH! I'm dying! AHHHHHHHH!" The roller coaster came to a stop. "Lets do that again!" "Mandy, You screamed through the WHOLE ride! I don't think I can hear ANYTHING now!" "Come on Harry! Artemis will go woncha Artemis?" "Who me? No way! I'd like to keep my hearing thank you!" "Your welcome!"

"WOOT! Can we go on that one next?" "Its lunchtime," "FOOD!" The group of friends walked to the small café nearby. "I'd like a hotdog and a chocolate shake please," "I'll have a…salad with Italian dressing." "I'll have 2 hotdogs, a chocolate shake, a medium fry and…onion rings." "You wont be able to eat all of that! Your about an inch around!" "Yeah, your gonna make yourself sick with all of this…err…um…can you really call THIS food Harry?" "Yeah...I think…" "Then I should eat more! Add a cheeseburger with everything on it!"

When they sat down Mandy dug in. In less that 3 seconds one hotdog was gone, 3 seconds later the other was gone too. She split the fries with Harry because he was staring at them hungrily, and at her in amazement. She had eaten twice as much as him in less than a minute! The onion rings simply vanished and the hamburger vanished quickly too. "That was AMAZING! How can you eat that much!" "I dunno I was hungry I guess" "You guess? You ate more than everyone PUT TOGETHER!" "So? I was really hungry"

"WOW!" "You know Mandy, you never fail to amaze me," "Yep, That's me, the amazing mindless Mandy!" AKA, Katy.


	10. Artemis Black

Chapter Ten

Artemis Black

"ARTEMIS!" "Uh…nobody's home right now, please leave your name and number while I run for my life. AAAAAHHHHHH!" "Artemis Black come explain WHY you are in the PHONEBOOTH again! "I like pushing the buttons."

"Relax Molly, she-" "She's exactly like YOU Sirius, If I remember right YOU got yourself stuck in an ELEVATOR because you pushed all the buttons almost all at once and shorted it out in between floors! Your uncle had to call a Muggle rescue squad to get you out!". "But-" "NO! that was taken from the Malfoys by-" "Erm…okay they don't need to know WHO did that."

"Ahah…Sirius you really need to set a better example for your daughter! I saw her lock Draco Malfoy in a closet!" "Yes and YOUR niece is the one who shoved him in there!" "Uh…father? I…why are you fighting with Molly? You ALWAYS lose!" "Shhh. He doesn't know that!" "Yes I do!"

"This chapter was supposed to be about me! Fine, I'll explain. I am the daughter of Sirius Black and Elektra Snape. Yes, Snape. I have 2 half sisters. You see, uh…AFTER Father was arrested she was forced to divorce him-that would be Grandfather's doing. She remarried Remus Lupin. I thought Moony was my dad, but he is Sarah's dad. And there's Selene Riddle. Yep. Voldemort is my…sister's dad. I don't think she ever married him, which makes it even scarier. Anyway. I lived in Salem Massachusetts when she married Remus. We were all arrested for being witches. My mother was hanged...on we go…I had to live with shudder Uncle Sev. Didja know he's a Vampire? Yep. He didn't want me to be anywhere near him so I went to Beaux Baton. There I met Mandy and then went to Hogwarts. Where I get to annoy-I mean enjoy potions class with Uncle Sev. The End" "SIRIUS!" "Sirius is not here right now, he is busy running for his life. AAHHHH!" "GA! Oh, you're done Arti! Well, I must find your father! Goodbye dear!".


	11. Kreature

Chapter Eleven

Kreature

"Hi! I'm Lily Evans and I'm supposed to be explaining why Mrs. Black can't find her house elf. Sirius got this bright idea that we should stay overnight at his house. To keep Mrs. Black from finding us all there we stuffed Jamsiepoo, Sirius, Elektra and _Remy-" _

"Shut up Lils or I will tell them all every embarrassing moment since you were four-" "I'm quiet. You can't hear me! Any ways, there wasn't any room in the closet so I hid under the bed. Stupid elf was there, so I disposed of it."

"What does that mean?" "evil snigger" . "You are one naughty little girl lilyflower." "That is an embarrassing moment! Lets see what can I think of about you…" "I'm good. You don't hear a word I'm saying." "Pink dress cough cough". Now we must jump ahead in time a couple of decades.

"I'm Harry Potter" "And I'm Ron!" "We helped Sirius 'dispose' of Kreature forever!" "Honestly, you two are barbaric!" "thank you Hermione!" "Yeah! We like you too!"

"Poor Kreature! They hates us my precious! They hates us! Stupid red haired kids! Gollum, Gollum! My Mistress. What scum her son is, booting me out like that!".


End file.
